Category: Blitherings

Perspective

These past few months I feel I have been drowning in a sea of stress, most of which has been precipitated by external events.  The main event was the springtime RIF (reduction in force), which in education is becoming an annual event.  This pushed me to take the CBEST, which is the “California Basic Educational Skills Test.”  I did this to add to my credential – but until I get a job in any one of my qualifying areas, I’ve just got a letter stating I am qualified.  I added eight adult subjects.  All this took up most of January and some of February, with my attending classes every weekend until I took the test.  The Ides of March date for RIFs (in California) passed me by, but over 200 colleagues in a district with 900 teachers received RIFs.  The final notice date will not be until May 15th; the classified will know on April 30th.  While my period of employment / no employment has passed, others are still in line.

Stress takes its toll.  Blood pressure rises, sleep becomes overwhelmingly desired or impossible, depression and a sense of helplessness are constant companions.  Fatigue makes functioning a challenge at times; for me, this fatigue is mental.  The making of a decision is hard.  To focus on one thing is elusive as restlessness causes me to pick something up, and then put it down.  Reading, moving, thinking, doing, accomplishing are too much effort even though I know that once I start actually doing them, and determined to finish them, much of that hill of inertia begins to disappear.  However, that hill is really a Mt. Everest in size.

Perspective, though, does make an opening through all of this.  I am not as bad off as some, and certainly worse off than others.  I know what I want to do, and I know how positive completing something – reaching a milestone, putting another step forward – is.

All this came together for me when I read Kate Davies’ current post on her blog Needled.  She suffered a sudden, unexpected stroke several weeks ago.  Reading her writings of her life post-stroke are painful and inspiring, a solid reminder of the fragility of our own daily existence, as well as our ability, and need, to move beyond the current limitations of life, whether physical, mental, emotional, circumstantial.  Today’s post, invisible metaphors, spoke of many things and works she was reading.  Kate requested input for reading material, and that is when I remembered this poem I read in my teens, found in an old schoolbook of my father’s, that has provided a light in the darkness for me over the years.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

–William Ernest Henley

Human history continues, individually and collectively.  Perspective can shift attitude.  “Fake it ’til you make it.”  Pandora’s box.  1 Corinthians 13.  Viktor Frankl.

Forget this, and all may be lost.

Basic Beret: Creating a Top-Down Beret, v

For the last couple of weeks knitting has wandered in and out of my day, along with my sourpuss attitude. This latter has, I hope, been vanquished, even if temporarily.

I’ve been really frustrated by this pattern, so decided to try it from the bottom up. And, it began to make sense. The pattern has changed rather considerably, but the lacy mock cable and top down construction remain. I’m not doing as many cables – considerably less. Where I had planned a number of cables, I am now using simple a line of knit stitches on a purl background. All knit stitches are now knit through the back loop except for a couple, which will be seen in the pattern.

The most interesting element is just how much simpler the pattern is, and so much easier to knit as it grows more organically once a certain level is reached in the stitch increases.

Buh-sgetti

This just sums it up! Whoever took this picture must have had so much fun setting up and taking it!

Anyhow . . . this really expresses how I’m feeling. Everything is totally chaotic. Work wants me to have more students, but the law has changed so that’s not going to be possible next year. This means doing the impossible, unless we get the law changed. It’s all about money – short term vs. taking the time – allowing the time -for a long term return on the investment of time. But do bean counters understand that? Not likely.

And then there are projects. Knitting projects. PHP and MySQL project. Painting projects. Reading projects. Gardening projects.

Sheesh. Whadda mess.

A Bit of Color, i

The Book and the Paints

I’ve been doing sumi-e for awhile, and now with my return to my Chinese painting class, the urge to paint is getting stronger, and the need for color is making itself known.  However, it never hurts to refresh one’s skills; given this, I dug out a book I’ve had for some time:  Watercolour by Patricia Monahan.  This is a good book for standard watercolor techniques.  So, I’m going through it, front to back, in my spare time.  It’s a good refresher.  As well, these techniques are important to remember as I know many will be used in any subject done in the Chinese style.

In watercolor, I’ve encountered different approaches to how to work – light to dark (Monahan’s approach) and dark-to-light.  Personally, I find that I work more logically light-to-dark, but the truth is that working dark-to-light just confuses me.  Maybe it is something I should deliberately try.  For now, though, I will hold that thought and practice a few simple techniques.

Monahan’s book is broken down into sections.   Currently I am on Washes (having read the introduction and chapter on equipment), which include techniques and then subject matter, such as rain clouds and the beach.  I’ve done a solid wash, into which I’ve done

  • wet-into-wet
  • wet-onto-dry
  • dark to light stripes (not a wash) by adding water to a dark color to lighten it
  • gradated dark-to-light wash

I’m using pan paints, made by Pelikan, and I think they are technically opaque, but I find that they work fine and have a nice degree of transparency when diluted. They are convenient and easy to use on my crowded desk. For paper, I have a 7 x 10 inch block of hot press, 140 pound, Arches. I’m using both sides of the sheet for the exercises.

Washes:  Solid, Wet-into-Wet, Dry-onto-Wet

The very first exercises in the book are reviews, or introductions, of the wash.  The solid wash is explained, and demonstrated.  From there, the author moves into wet-into-wet.  Below, you will see it in the upper left corner of the picture.  Wet-onto-dry is also done, with a wash laid down, allowed to dry, and then another color applied over it.  This is illustrated by the weird circles in the lower left corner.  Finally, layering of color is done, which you will find on the right.  I kept the same strength of color for the layers, and applied about eight.  The results are quite nice.

Diluting a Dark Wash

This next exercise was actually one I’ve never encountered before.  This consisted of creating a fairly dark wash, and continuing to dilute the wash with the same amount of water.  Each stripe in the picture below shows what occurs as the intensity of pigment is weakened.  I was not scientific because I did not measure out specific amounts of water, but I did add two brushes full of water to the pan as I moved along.  It seems to have worked out well.

Gradated Wash Using Flat Brush and Round Brush

Next was the ever-popular gradated wash.  Onto dry paper, color is placed at the top and diluted as the color is worked down.  I did this twice, using a flat brush on the left, and a large round on the right.  Both have their merits.

Two Gradated Wash Methods

This next exercise consisted of placing a gradated wash onto dry paper and moving it into damp.  This is on the left side of the picture below.  I used a small sponge to dampen the lower half of the paper, and then at the top began my wash on dry paper.  As I moved down the dry section, I added a bit of water, and then continued on down into the damp section, moving left to right and back.  When I got to the damp section, I did not add any more water, nor pigment, but just let it become weaker.  This was a brand new technique for me.  On the right I did the dampened paper with a gradated wash.  The paper was dampened with a sponge, allowed to dry a bit, and then a standard gradated wash done.

First Exercise:  Monochrome Rain Clouds

Finally, the first exercise:  monochrome rain clouds.  Using black, I laid down a gradated wash onto dry paper.  Before I let it dry, I used the sponge to lift up some of the color.  I squeezed the sponge out into my waste water jar and continued.  After I let this area dry, I laid down some medium and darker washes, doing some wet-into-wet, some lifting, and so on.

I was pretty nervous doing this as I was sure it would all be a disaster, but decided to trudge on rather than freak out! I always over do my watercolors – or nearly. I get sooooo frustrated! However, I am rather pleased with the results, and will do a few more monochromes before moving onto the next exercise which is the same thing – rain clouds – but with a limited palette.