Author: -N-

Cost vs. Benefit

In medicine, treatment is often considered on a cost vs. benefit to the patient. If the patient benefits overall, the cost of the treatment – financially, emotionally, physically – may be worth it. What might be beneficial at 25 may not be seen as such from the age of 75.

There are people in this world who add to the quality of our lives by who they are and what they do. Everyone of us has someone who has given to us far more than we can ever repay. This can be in terms of support, nurturance, friendship, and so many other ways the list would be endless. In our turn, we give to others, and we will never know how much we have given them simply because measuring such things is impossible.

There are also people who do nothing but take, demand, and take some more. There is no thought about the damage they inflict; many seem to enjoy inflicting it. These people are destructive. They are severely damaged, whether because of what they have experienced, inherited as body chemistry, or have done to themselves. The benefit of such people is learning to recognize them, but the cost of learning it may be far greater than the benefit. But, without these evil, psychological vampires, we would not be able to appreciate the good!

This is where those who have given us gifts – and who still give to us – are of such great benefit. Their support is a community of good. Small gifts, such as a pat on the back, are far larger than their physical appearance. They sustain and nurture.

At times, when the going is difficult, a conscious consideration of the good vs. the evil around is necessary. It is also a challenge. The cost of evil is great – but the benefit in learning about it and recognizing our blessings can far exceed the turmoil evil creates.

Craziness

Busy crazy and crazy people.  I won’t moan on about the latter – the mere fact I even have to deal with them wears me out.  However, busy crazy can be fun.  This weekend was not really creatively productive in any way that I wanted it to be, but it was really nice because I got out with friends and family, and was able to spend a lovely, sunny day outdoors most of Saturday.  I got sunburned, and now sport some tan lines.  Today it is damp and grim, the “May Grey” is spread over Ventura county, from the coast to 30 or more miles inland.  Ugh!

My turquoise pencil set got thrown to the wayside on Wednesday with a crisis.  This kind of stuff makes me really restless, so outdoors and exercise was a good relief.  The pencils will get packed up again, and on a break or at lunch, I promise to use them.  I have nearly finished my Noro shawl, which I hope to put into a pattern format in the next week or two.  I am also starting a slouch beret with some Noro sock yarn, which is coming along rather nicely.  And, I also played with some pictures in Photoshop, Lightroom, as well as did some analytical studies on DOF and hyperfocus.  Not a satisfying weekend with a peaceful feeling leading into Monday’s workday, but a sense of accomplishment in some areas.

Yucca Flowers with Bleach Bypass Filter in Lightroom 3

I really like the results of this preset. And finally, the last of my tulips – the petals are all falling off. These flowers have been like friends all week – I’ve watched them move from closed buds to wide open flowers, and have been entranced by their simple beauty. It is sad to see them leave.

I hope this next week doesn’t make me crazy . . .

Turquoise

This morning I was going through a number of the blogs I enjoy reading. One is Cole Wardell’s. When I got there, since my last visit, she had a fun display of her art supplies. Pencils encased in wood! Watercolors! A knife!

On my desk, I have a container of Prismacolor medium pencils for drawing, still unsharpened.  Now all have points. They will come with me to work, and this will be my creative project focal point for today. In between whatever I do, I will get something done with these pencils, if only to remember what it is like to have one in my hand for something other than writing out notes.

Scheduled

When you work, it is hard to find time to do things you really want to do.  At least it is for me.  I’m a morning person.  I go to work in the morning, and when I get home, I tend to be really tired.  I am not a night owl!  I get a lot done in the mornings – when I have them.  Consequently, as a result of my re-thinking my life the other day, I have simply decided I will schedule something – anything – creative for after work.  It may not be a lot.  It may be a lot.  That will depend on my energy, and my interest.  Today I’m feeling rather burnt out, but I did make a commitment to myself.  And I kept it, even though the desire is to just go floppo.

I’ve been thinking of what to do that is creative all day.  In a way, it is really stimulating because there is an element of the unknown until the point of beginning arrives.  Getting home, I thought about what I was feeling.  I thought about how that feeling might be expressed.  The feeling I focused on was “blue” – which, in general, means depressed or melancholy.  Melancholy, today, is more accurate for today’s round of the blues.

Today is cold and wet and damp.  Work was long and intense.  I have an underlying dread about work lately – probably budget-related – but this dread is very abstract because I cannot pinpoint anything specific – maybe just the unknowns that are waiting to happen.  This abstract fear and feeling blue put two things together.  How can an abstract fear be expressed visually?  How can melancholic blues be expressed?

Well, I don’t know if either really can be, but the mental trip was quite fun.  What in the spectrum constitutes “blue”?  Blue-green?  Blue-violet?  Bluish reds?  Green blue?  So what could I find that was abstract, something I could photograph (I chose that route because I am feeling lazy, and more think-y than do-ing) that is not identifiable.   Here it is below:

Abstract, a kind of blue.  Nothing clearly discernable.  An ill-defined horizon.  A lonely object.  Blurry, fuzzy things without definition.  Is this art?  Dunno.  The process of getting here was interesting, as is the writing up and thinking about the process itself.  Conscious exploration of an abstraction opens the doors of creativity.

Push

For the last several weeks I’ve been feeling constrained by things and people around me.  Union meetings.  Cuts in education.  Students.  All of these create a suffocating cloud of stress and worry.

It is easy to drown in such circumstances, give in to depression or despair, to feel and become a victim.  Some people do get overwhelmed by such things, but each and everyone of us needs to look at it.  What are we contributing to the mess?  What is external and simply is, no matter what we do?  What can we change?  What can we not change?

Well, I cannot change the financial mess that is the state of California.  I cannot change its impact on education.  I know my students will move on.  I don’t have any idea what the union has in store for us, if they even understand what it is that my small coterie of educators do.  That I might be able to impact.  But if the final rule is that my hours are cut, well, such is life, pick up, move on.

This realization hit me as I was driving in to work the other morning.  What can I do if there are more free hours in the week?  Can we make it on less money?  Should I look for an additional job?  Do I want to?  (No!)  If I do look for another job, what would I look for?  Shall I work in another area?  I am beginning to take action by considering options.

The proverbial “window of opportunity” is here.

Open it.

Look out.

Fresh air.