A long time ago I realized that, when trying to figure things out, I had a better and more honest sense of the problem if I asked myself “What?” Not “Why?” or “How come?” – those just elicited emotions, not thoughts, not a rational sequence that could handle emotions and thoughts. Often feelings of inadequacy and thoughts of being wrong or inferior came along with the “Why?” and “How come?”
“What?” does not produce emotional reactions and a need to defend. Instead, it is a moment to pause, to think, to follow things back to whatever the source. For example: I am angry. “What caused me to get angry?” After that comes and answer, and from that answer another “What?” can follow. It can be a long or short journey, but I find it brings about understanding of myself, a stepping into the world of another person or an event, and not feeling as if the world is collapsing around me because of my inadequacies, real or imagined.
Just the other day I read a study about reducing stress. I can’t remember where I found it,but it applied the same principle – word choice. Stats I recall showed that there was a 25% reduction in stress with people saying “Let it go” to themselves for three minutes. On the other hand, better results were from “Let it be.” Those stats showed a 45% reduction in stress.
Think about it. “Go” means action, decisions, choices, right and wrong. “Be” means to exist: It is.
Our mental life is how we see the world. “Mental” implies thought, but includes emotion. Emotions are all sorts of things, from paranoia to joy, and can be caused by experience as well as brain and body chemistry. We are very complex, and far more complex than we even know, although our knowledge grows.
Some famous person in 17th century England had mental problems – for the life of me I cannot recall who. However, I found the comments about him, perhaps even by him, mentioned the need to have a disciplined mind to cope with his problems. Was he bipolar? No idea. In those days, reasons for mental problems varied, from satanic possession to poor humors. But the life of the mind can rescue and help. I believe today we would call it “Rational Emotive” for therapy, or “Emotional Intelligence.”
Whatever it is, the internal dialogue can reward and punish. Learning how to listen and how to have meaningful internal conversations can color our viewpoints, our reactions, and our choices.
Ink, Yarn & Beer 