thinking – Ink, Yarn & Beer

Drawing Practice

Frustrated with my inabilities to realistically do perspective and depth, which I attribute to my lack of depth perception, I’ve decided to re-edu-um-cate myself! I signed up for an online gouache class by Lena Rivo, which has been great, as well as bought an eBook version of Bert Dodson’s Keys to Drawing. I have decided to dedicate part of each day to doing at least one of his exercises if possible. The hope is to improve my drawing skills, which are the problems behind some of my painting issues.

First exercise is contour drawing. The purpose of this is to get used to the idea of checking what you see against what you draw, and get the idea into your head that what you see is not what you think. This means looking at angles and curves as well as relationships of parts to each other. Here are my exercise examples, diving in feet first!

Next was fun – look at your hand face on – that is, fingers in your face! Close an eye. Draw!

And then, imagine a pepper. Draw it. Then get a real pepper and take a good, strong look at it, and draw. My imaginary pepper is at the top, and the real pepper, in three positions and three variations of drawing style, are below.

Very glad I chose to do this! More to come.

Patterns

I have tried to “just let things happen” for several weeks now. The truth is I don’t like it. To me, this means just that – let stuff happen – but this is a passive approach to life and retirement as far as I am concerned. I personally like to set daily goals, big or small, creative or chore-ish, because that is how I gauge the value of my time. To let things happens is to wait for things to happen. I like to make things happen, and to be open to other people inviting me to join them in their happenings. However, if I were to wait, and just wait, what would occur? Dishes don’t get done by themselves, photographs aren’t taken, dinner isn’t served. That is really just being non-existent. It is being inactive. It is, essentially, saying no to life and all that it has to offer.

All of us have things we need to do in life. With the free time of retirement, it seems that I should get my chore list done. If I did, though, that is all I would do. That Puritan heritage inculcates duty and chores as the only things of value, not indolence and lazing or creating. Thinking seems almost a sin – that means considering rebellion against societal norms and regulations. That means rocking the boat, having an opinion – in short, living life and experiencing life. As someone brought up to follow rules and regulations, it can be really difficult for me to let them go. I do know that all rules and regulations are ways to help society function, to let me and others get along, to be more constructive than destructive. I also know that breaking these restraints allows me to grow and expand, to re-think my world view (many times over the years) and reconsider life and myself in general.

Patterns provide structure and a framework in which we can explore the world, expand our world, and experience that which is unfamiliar with relative safety. In a bad framework, such as in families where domestic abuse is the norm, these patterns maintain destructive and negative lifestyles. This is what family systems teach us. They also teach us that breaking family systems creates its own chaos, which can be positive or negative, good or bad, expanding or restrictive. For me, breaking certain patterns is necessary for growth and enjoyment, but maintaining others is a form of prison. Chaos is not something I enjoy, though I appreciate the unexpected. Altogether, we each need to find the structures in our lives to live fully and deeply, as well as to give in to the unpredictable and spontaneous.

The Elusive Word

If you have been following this blog of late, you know I have been – and am – in a funk. Being discontented with one’s life can lead to getting lost amongst the lemmings, or choosing the proverbial other road. I don’t really need to do one or the other, in a way; what I need to do is to make the choice!

Crow

Last night I went out with a friend – one of those great friends where no holds are barred, and you can just ramble and expose your thoughts and feelings without being afraid. We both were into it, and I came home feeling really good – refreshed mentally. So did she. Working so late and so long has prevented my having much contact with people I like, and now try to do something like this on a weekly basis. I’m stealing back all the little pieces of my life that disappeared over the past year.

Sure, the argument can be made that I shouldn’t have let it happen, but the fact is, it did happen. There is only so much time in the day. And there is only so much energy, too. As an introvert, “me time” has to be there before I can deal with people and be a nice person. No “me time” and I have no idea who I am.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of sleep, probably as my subconscious was working through whatever it does in dreams, the elusive word – the one-word description for what I am trying to regain – came to me: Integrity.