Disappointment & Enlightenment

Disappointment:  The meetup experience did not go well.

Being interrupted and being told “you are wrong,” in no uncertain terms by an old geezer, and then being attacked by the group leader for telling the geezer to let me finish talking and stop interrupting, is wrong.

Further in the session, the geezer told someone “those are the rules” without clarification.  What rules?  How to put a sentence together?  What do you mean?  Explain, please.

My initial impression of the moderator was not impressive – he felt needy and off-balance somehow.

Facing the geezer, my first thought was here is a man used to being in power and control, who feels it is okay to interrupt others.

Rudeness and ego-centrism do not have a place in a group such as this.  Other groups I have been in have not had these elements from either members or the moderator.

I am sad, too, as I had looked forward to becoming part of a community of writers.  The other members of the group were good, and there was some talented writing.

Enlightenment:  While disappointed by this experience, it also served to make very clear to me something which had been rumbling around in my head for some time:  Scheduling things to do on my days off does not always work in my favor.

Each time I schedule something that needs some work – such as a writing meetup – it means a lot of focus on that event.  If it becomes something that takes up a lot of time and energy without reward, ultimately I am exhausted.  As an introvert, quiet time with self-reflection and thought is a necessity for self-renewal.

Scheduling time with people I value, doing things I enjoy, is a completely different thing.  I come away refreshed and joyful.

I knew this before the meetup.  I know this now even better than before.  My choices are very clear.

 

Cost vs. Benefit

In medicine, treatment is often considered on a cost vs. benefit to the patient. If the patient benefits overall, the cost of the treatment – financially, emotionally, physically – may be worth it. What might be beneficial at 25 may not be seen as such from the age of 75.

There are people in this world who add to the quality of our lives by who they are and what they do. Everyone of us has someone who has given to us far more than we can ever repay. This can be in terms of support, nurturance, friendship, and so many other ways the list would be endless. In our turn, we give to others, and we will never know how much we have given them simply because measuring such things is impossible.

There are also people who do nothing but take, demand, and take some more. There is no thought about the damage they inflict; many seem to enjoy inflicting it. These people are destructive. They are severely damaged, whether because of what they have experienced, inherited as body chemistry, or have done to themselves. The benefit of such people is learning to recognize them, but the cost of learning it may be far greater than the benefit. But, without these evil, psychological vampires, we would not be able to appreciate the good!

This is where those who have given us gifts – and who still give to us – are of such great benefit. Their support is a community of good. Small gifts, such as a pat on the back, are far larger than their physical appearance. They sustain and nurture.

At times, when the going is difficult, a conscious consideration of the good vs. the evil around is necessary. It is also a challenge. The cost of evil is great – but the benefit in learning about it and recognizing our blessings can far exceed the turmoil evil creates.

War, Anger, Cancer

Sooner or later all the people of the world will have to discover a way to live together in peace, and thereby transform this pending cosmic elegy into a creative psalm of brotherhood. If this is to be achieved, man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

–Martin Luther King, Jr.
Nobel Prize acceptance speech, Dec. 10, 1964

* * *

War: Today, North and South Korea have traded fire.

Anger: There is a person in my life – and those around this person – who is always angry about something.  Drama everywhere, whether it is personal tragedy, dysfunctional family, or the fact that something is not a concrete, black and white, absolute fact.  Nothing seems to give pleasure.  Personality temperature runs hot, then cold.  No shades of grey.

There is always a reason behind each outburst, something which triggers it:  a season, a holiday, an event, a person, a circumstance, a moral stance, a perspective, a memory.  These reasons are excuses for abuse.

Cancer: A friend of mine died about 5 years ago, and the world is a sadder place with her passing.  She had cancer, and during her course of treatment she mentioned how tired she was of being told to “go to battle against the cancer,” “fight against the cancer,” and on, and on, and on.  Why, she wondered, is everything in our world couched in terms of war, battles, fights?  Why is there always a need to be victorious, to conquer, to win?  What about adapt, accept, modify, negotiate?

I couldn’t agree with her more.  In fact, out of all my years of friendship, the things which remain as her legacy to me are love and peace and cooperation.

Aggressive, angry people are to be pitied.  They spread disease and contagion of the mind, heart and spirit.  Constant complainers who find only the negative are the same.  Who benefits from this?  Certainly they don’t, but more, those around them become poisoned, oftentimes without realizing what is going on.  Anger is infectious, just like a cold, and it makes the rounds.  On the surface, it may disappear, but underneath, it can lie dormant in the form of resentment, which can flare into anger at a moment’s notice, with or without justifiable cause.  It lurks, ready to attack.

So, how do you get rid of it?  How do you get rid of it in your own life?  Sure, avoid these kind of people – easy advice – but not necessarily easy to do.  You find them at work, in your family.  How do you keep from internalizing the poison these people spread?  Hey, in today’s vernacular, you have to battle it!  And that is just fighting fire with fire.  Aggression steps in, the need to win enters.

What about honestly acknowledging the fact that these people exist, are there, and are not going away?  How about realizing you cannot change them?  How about admitting to a resentment about their toxic effect on your internal landscape?  This is called reframing, and this is what can begin an attitudinal shift along with a simple acknowledgement of the reality that is.  Not always easy, but certainly a far more peaceful solution than loud confrontations with those people, and a more harmonious way to continue on your life journey.

I cannot change these people, I cannot save these people, nor do I find I have any desire to do so.

Most interestingly, I learn a great deal from these people, about them, and about myself.

Fish Man Gets His Chicken: The Movie

An International Cast!

Starring: M. Henri Le Poisson
Co-Starring: Sir R. Chicken

World class actors bring their finest to the action-packed, true-to-life, thrill-filled Fish Man Gets His Chicken – filmed in the deepest wilds of South America!

A Thrilling Tale of Adventure, Love, and Redemption!

A scientific expedition traveling up the Amazon River to recover fossils is watched and attacked by Fish Man, a horrible creature, half man, half fish, who lives there.

Through acts of kindness, Fish Man is rescued from his slimy and fetid existence. Civilized, and with a doctoral degree from a famous university, his life is changed.

He learns the arts of brewing and barbecuing.

Fish Man Gets His Chicken
Fish Man Gets His Chicken
Fish Man Becomes Civilized
Fish Man Becomes Civilized

Fin Mail Photo of M. Henri Le Poisson

For $5.00 and a box top, you may receive this lovely secular holiday greeting card to send to your friends and family.

With love to you from me - your friend, Henri

Get one for everybody on your holiday list!

Fish Hat [Dead or Alive?] Eyes

When this hat came out in Knitty, I just knew I had to make it.

The eyes in the pattern are made of felt and stitched in place. I decided to knit mine up, and did so as below, using needles a size or two smaller.

Cast on 4 stitches. Knit front and back of each stitch – 8 stitches. Transfer to double point needles, place marker at round beginning.

Rnd 1: Knit

Rnd 2: Knit front and back each stitch – 16 stitches.

Rnd 3: Knit

Rnd 4: *Knit front and back, knit 1,* repeat to end – 24 stitches

Rnd 5: Knit

Rnd 6: *Knit front and back, knit 2,* repeat to end – 32 stitches

Rnd 7: Knit

Rnd 8: *Knit front and back, knit 3,* repeat to end – 40 stitches

Rnd 9 and 10: Knit

Bind off.

The Eye of the Fish