Tag: life

The Elusive Word

If you have been following this blog of late, you know I have been – and am – in a funk. Being discontented with one’s life can lead to getting lost amongst the lemmings, or choosing the proverbial other road. I don’t really need to do one or the other, in a way; what I need to do is to make the choice!

Crow

Last night I went out with a friend – one of those great friends where no holds are barred, and you can just ramble and expose your thoughts and feelings without being afraid. We both were into it, and I came home feeling really good – refreshed mentally. So did she. Working so late and so long has prevented my having much contact with people I like, and now try to do something like this on a weekly basis. I’m stealing back all the little pieces of my life that disappeared over the past year.

Sure, the argument can be made that I shouldn’t have let it happen, but the fact is, it did happen. There is only so much time in the day. And there is only so much energy, too. As an introvert, “me time” has to be there before I can deal with people and be a nice person. No “me time” and I have no idea who I am.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of sleep, probably as my subconscious was working through whatever it does in dreams, the elusive word – the one-word description for what I am trying to regain – came to me: Integrity.

Art & Life

Contemplation

In my more cynical moments, I am annoyed that I spend time sitting in front of a computer looking at pictures and playing with software.  Who will see them?  Does anyone care?  Even writing these words seems to be a bit of a waste of time.

Years ago, in my younger days, I aspired to be an artist.  The need to earn my keep held me back, but also fostered the question of what is the value of art?  Value implies something which can have a monetary amount attached to it, but on a deeper level it also means merit, worth, esteem and often ethics, principles, standards.  My conclusion was that if it had value to me, then it was art.  No more angst over it, and a very simple answer.

Still, life intervenes.  Things need to be done such as working, taking care of a house, paying bills.  People, too, need to be nurtured; friendships and family relationships are inherently important.  Physical, mental, and spiritual health need attention.  All of these take away from time “doing” or “making” art.  However, there is also the art of living, which is all-encompassing.

LIttle talks with myself in moments of why? are very important.  I expect most of us have these dialogs.  Our inner voices need to be heard, and sometimes the only one who can provide an answer is the voice within, from whatever it is derived.  Perspective helps; hindsight aids.

So, to answer my own question:  The value of the time I spend developing pictures is the value I place on it.  When it pales in value, my focus needs to change to something more satisfying.  Yes, life’s little chores need attending, but they are part of daily rhythms.  Questions like this may also allude to dissatisfaction with solitary activities, or one kind of activity, or sitting rather than being outdoors hiking or gardening or seeing new things or meeting up with friends and family.

Regroup, rethink, and move on!

 

Thanatopsis

Today I was marveling about how incredibly wonderful and complicated the human body is, and that is simply because I inhabit one. Giraffes and phytoplankton are just as complicated, and as interesting. And as delicate and mysterious.

I’ve been thinking about this because the other day I stepped on a spider, deliberately, with murder as my intention. I missed it, and it limped around in circles until I put it out of its misery. I felt – and it was – awful and evil. With this realization came an appreciation for the Dalai Lama when he had the worms sifted out of the dirt when he built his movie theatre (if I recall the movie Seven Years in Tibet correctly).

So, yes, life is sacred. Who am I to harm the innocent? And what right do individuals have to harm others because of disagreements on what is god, or what god thinks a woman should or should not wear or do?

However, with all the raving about the sanctity of life, of no abortion being justifiable, that the life of the unborn has more value than the living mother, I must disagree. Death is as sacred as life. To keep people alive for years on machines, ever hopeful, seems to be cruel and unusual punishment to me, not just to the ones attached to the machine, but to those who will not, cannot, or are afraid to let go. Presidential sanctions to mandate life of one individual is an incredible invasion of privacy. To keep people alive who will never survive without a machine goes beyond my understanding.  We are oftentimes kinder to animals than to humans – euthanasia gives release from pain, surcease of sorrow.

Life is sacred, but so is death; to hide from its inevitability is to avoid life in all its complexity, pain, and beauty.