Tag: life

A New Job

With the official retirement date of April Fool’s Day, I have been rethinking a lot of what I do and want to do.  Being retired is really like taking on a new job.  You have to figure out what is important, what is not important, and instead of someone directing your daily traffic, you are the one who has to make the decisions.  Of course, the daily chores of living set up a schedule in a way, but what if you just decide not to pay attention to them?  I think – I know – my life would totally fall apart!  I like my dishes and laundry done, bills paid, and a clean and ordered living environment – especially my studio – but I also want to have the room to be messy and creative.  That is really my new job:  what to do with my free time.

And what do I want to do?  I am finding my priority is painting and drawing.  These are my longest and deepest loves, ever since I can remember.  Philosophical battles wasted a lot of my time; rather than just doing things, I thought about their values.  These values were really external ones – who will value what I do?  In the end, it really doesn’t matter because I am not painting or drawing for an audience other than me.  That said, I also want to schedule – yes, schedule! – time for reading, writing, photography, socializing, sewing, spinning, knitting, baking, gardening, some travel.  Everyone says my time will be really easy to fill.  I had my doubts, but no more.

Having a return-to-work date from medical leave prior to the retirement decision kept these thoughts at bay.  Now, the world is wide open.  Enjoying retirement is my new job, one to cherish.  It’s like being a kid again, really!  The summer – however long it is now – without school – lies ahead.

Thinking About Things

 

As I get older, the more I find I want to just slow down.  I am not interested in this experience followed by that one, of rushing here to be able to rush there.  I just want to slow down my life and enjoy it.  This is probably related to simple math:  the older you get, the less time you have.  As a result, you want to enjoy it.

Retirement from an official job and job duties is looming ahead.  Preparations for such are underway.  While a lot of information has been gathered, there are still unknowns – which hopefully will be revealed in the not-too-distant future – so that final decisions can be made.  There is also a potential golden handshake coming in the next year and a half, and if so, I hope the qualifications are in my favor.

I have been on vacation for the last two weeks, and have enjoyed my time immensely.  Each day has been conscientiously filled with things I want to do, with my thinking about what I want to do and why.  I’m an introvert, so it is very easy to get lost in my head and forget to reach outward for human contact, whether family or friend.  Those contacts are very important.  With them, the world becomes balanced and isolation does not set in.

In the past 20 years, 7 people I have known have died, through disease or accident, and few others are seriously ill.  Most have gone in the past 5.  My mortality is right there in front of me.  I no longer feel like I will live forever, like I did just ten years ago.  Even my own health has its problems.

So, yeah, I’ve been thinking.  And doing.  Doing is the key to it all:  action and take in what I have around me.  Savor it.  Cherish it.  Live it.

The Peace of Flowers

The world is a busy place, sucking you dry.  Newspapers are filled with news, from bombing Syria and worries about being bombed in return, to disgust that Congress has allowed the killing of hibernating bears and wolf cubs in their dens.  It makes me wonder what the world is coming to . . . and what people think.  Yes, I live in an isolated part of the world, one which is relatively safe, but it doesn’t keep me isolated unless I turn off the news.  This is where the walk in the woods, in the fields, and exploring the natural world outside the artifice of man beckons.  As California is now in the midst of a bloom unseen in years, I am out there nearly every day, taking in the blooms, the colors of the hillsides, and listening to the birdsong and buzz of bees.  It brings a peace.

Pale
Clover? Buckwheat?
Curly
Heart
Rose-Tipped
Weed
Allium

As someone who is getting older, I frequently think of death. People – friends, colleagues, family – have died in the recent years. All my earliest childhood friends are gone. Death is something to be considered in this day and age of every baby must be born, regardless, and everyone must be put on life support, regardless. There is something disrespectful about the quality of life all this means. Keeping people alive by artificial means reaches a point, an ethical point, where it is ridiculous. Killing wolf cubs and hibernating bears for sport is equally unethical. Our destruction of the natural world boggles the mind, and the immediacy of pleasure or self-righteousness fails to address a longer viewpoint: what are we leaving behind? Plundered resources, extinct animals, and warehouses of people on life support. Equally, we kill others with impunity. In 40 to 50 years, the earth’s population will double, and we will be in even more dire straits than we are in now. Even within our own lifetimes we see the destruction, but deny it.

And so, flowers. One part of the natural world, fragrant, beautiful, evanescent. If they disappear? What next?

Summertime

“April is the cruelest month.”  Let’s change that to “July is the laziest month.”

Hilltop

Normally I am always busy, but this past year the busy-ness of my life changed to just hanging on because of the work schedule.  In fall, it will resume, with one difference:  I will have Wednesday afternoons off at 3:00 p.m. for 8 weeks, and then 2 p.m. for the remainder of the year.  M, Tu, and Th will remain the same – 9 hour days with a 30 minute lunch.  Sucks!

The result of this constant working is no sense of self or life – and this summer, it is really hard for me to focus on making things or finishing things.  I can start, but lose interest in a moment.  Only a few things seem to keep my interest:  reading (something I haven’t done in years), gardening, photography, and being outside as much as possible, even if it is just to loll around.

Productivity is something by which I measure the value of my time.  Making things in particular.

I guess what I need to do is set a few goals.  Therefore . . .

  • Goal 1:  finish a dress.
  • Goal 2:  finish a small quilt.

That should do.  Life will fill itself in between with friends and family and a contentment lolling in the sun brings.  (Not sunburn – I do wear my sunscreen.)

Here’s to the heat of summer in the heart of July!

Black & White

Not really sure where I am . . . have had a cold for a week, and in this same week there have been anniversaries and parties and graduations and memorials for those who have passed, mixed with all sorts of other things.  Playing in the garden, playing with photos, a bit of this and that, but nothing that just grabs the soul.  Well, not true – we had a wonderful graduation party!  That said, here are some of my forays into processing color into black and white using the B&W channels in the HSL section of Lightroom.  Kind of pleased with the overall results, and maybe learned something . . . what did please me was the simplicity of strong contrasts and subject matter.