Tag: 2023

The Last Day of the Year

2023 has been a strange year for me. In many ways it has been productive in creativity as I have seen advances in skills I have been focused on. In other ways it has been limiting, too, when focus is more in one area than another. I am the kind of person who is interested in too many things but who does not seem to excel at any one thing in particular. That can get pretty frustrating.

And then there was The Fall. Breaking my left arm was pretty traumatic in a lot of ways. The esposo is still trying to recover from it because the vacation we had looked forward to, one of relaxing and traveling and visiting new places and seeing old friends, turned into several weeks of taking care of me and schlepping me here and there. His time off never really happened, so there is the mental and emotional repression that ultimately does no one any good. He has taken the next few weeks off, and I hope that will help ease things and take off pressures which are there. At least I can get here and there on my own, although we both fear another fall. I have broken 3 bones in the last 5 years because of falls.

As far as myself, I am really bored with my ongoing fear of falling, and the self-assignment for the next several weeks is to watch YouTube videos about balance and strengthening muscles, taking a “How to Walk” class if possible, and moving into forcing myself to do things that frighten me. I have a dislike of being out of shape and incapable of independence so hopefully this will motivate me into a more active approach to these things. For the first time in my life I have felt old, and normally I am emotionally and intellectually about 12 . . .

Creativity, too, needs some sort of order! I keep saying “schedule yourself” - and by this I mean making deliberate choices for time to do all the different things which interest me. Let’s see what happens! I want to do more photography, travel, sewing, knitting, gardening, and of course drawing, painting, learning. My own personality is set toward doing the daily chores and drudgery before having fun, and that is okay as it weighs me down if I know a pile of something needs to be done. 

For example, since August, I have not really addressed paperwork as I usually do, and that is because my daily life was filled with exercises, occupational therapy appointments, dental appointment, doctor appointments, and home health care appointments. Yesterday, I pulled out all the things I needed to sort through. I sorted them and shredded until the 20+ year old shredder up and died. (New one arrives today.) I logged expenses and so on. Fortunately, it wasn’t a horrible process as I have kept up with the daily stuff quite well, but the paper stuff needed sorting and discarding. It feels good to have that done before 2024 shows up! And I have a bog full of papers still needing shredding, so I can practice on the new shredder, and see if it works. What fun!

And so, it is New Year’s Eve. We will be going to the Descanso Gardens to enjoy the Enchanted Forest of Light. We did it a few years ago, and I thought it a lovely way to end a year. I hope that 2024 is not as rough, and realistically, while tough in many ways for my immediate circle, it is far easier and pleasant than it has been for many. I hope that changes, but sadly, I do not think it will.

The End of a Year

Like most people, I look back over the past year, I look ahead to the new year. New years are like morning – something to anticipate. Yesterday is the past, and so is a past year. There is a bit of melancholy in looking back as awareness of passing time grows more acute each year but, it is always offset by the anticipation of the future. I don’t know if other people feel like that, but to me there is always an element of joyful anticipation even in times of gloom and sadness. I’ve lived long enough to know nothing lasts forever, but the patterns repeat, and therein lives hope. There is enough change and enough consistency. And I prefer to dwell on hope rather than despair – but to avoid it is foolish.

So, what has happened in this past year? For me, the most difficult thing has been the loss of my closest friend on November 30th. I am not lost because of his death, but just feeling a loneliness. On the other hand, I have rekindled a friendship from years ago that could prove to be a pleasant addition to my life. A door closes. A door opens.

I have also learned and realized a lot about my family – my parents in particular. I found two letters, one from my mother, one from my father. The first was a letter written by my mother 6 months before she married my father. The second letter was one written by my father 12 years later. While the contents are personal and private, what was most important was seeing my parents as people in a very different perspective – such different personalities and approaches to life! I think of the grasshopper and the ant in Aesop’s fables – my mother had the gaiety of the grasshopper but lacked foresight, went along for the moment, and my father was the ant, always planning and working toward the future, but often failing to value the moment he was in. (I’m sort of both!)

In some ways – perhaps in many ways – 2022 was about re-evaluating life and people. As I move more into retirement and into free time, I am less concerned with the connections -the ongoing desire for connections – with people, but more appreciative of them when they occur. It is so easy to want more from others than is realistic with copious free time, and it takes a bit of effort to rein it in. Once done, though, a bit of disappointment – but again, another door opens, and there are things to look forward to doing and experiencing.

For me, life is always a balancing act. There is sorrow and sadness, there is joy and hope. Reality is a harsh teacher, but if you pay attention, there is much to be learned and the subtle pleasures of little things – like the yellow volunteer flower on my doorstep – remind you that the small individual person, event, critter, plant, in the big, vast world has a whole universe within to be explored.

So, welcome to 2023!