Category: Blitherings

Toward the Horizon

The past work year has been very high stress because of the people involved.  I don’t handle stress well from a physical perspective.  I internalize everything, and the result is a chronically upset stomach and labile hypertension.  The fact that I could work 20 hours a day and still be behind does not help.  This makes me feel guilty.  And that just kicks off another cycle of stress and anxiety.  Other people’s horrific behavior doesn’t help.  Needless to say, all of this is wreaking havoc.

This morning some newspaper had an article about the fact the brain is hardwired to look toward the future, giving us a sense of hope and belief that things will be better.  Optimists do not tend to die from illnesses which kill the pessimist.  (That was good news!)  All my life, I have been an optimist, much to the disgust of some people.  I do not see black where others might – I’ll see a shade of grey.  This is the key to my survival.

The other day, a very close friend read me the riot act about how I should not let all these things affect me.  It really pissed me off!  And the truth, is I know I should not, but the fact is, it is impossible to not be affected by it.  For some people, it is easy to let things go.  Not me.  I chew things over, mull, stew, intellectualize, think about my feelings, feel my thoughts.  That is my process.  It is slow and tedious, but it works.  I’m still here.

Nonetheless, the proverbial kick in the ass was a catalyst.  You see, I respect this person’s perspectives.  In my mind, I know I should not let these people upset me so much, but in my heart, they do.  I have been drowning in this mess, and now it is time to swim toward shore.

Visually, I love pictures with paths.  Paths down to the beach.  Paths leading to a corner.  Paths leading up a hill.  Paths lead places, and what awaits around the corner is always exciting and new.  Yeah, you may not like it when you get there, but c’est la vie.  The key is knowing that if a path leads in, a path leads out.

So, I’ve reminded myself of that one fact.  I’m trudging up a path, away from where I am now, and heading in a new direction.  I’m short of breath and winded, but not dead.  My mind still functions, my emotions are intact.  I’m still an optimist, still looking for a new adventure, even if a bit nervous about it.  I may not be able to control the external events, but the internal ones I can rein in, and remember this as I head toward another horizon.

A Dish of Ice Cream

Brrr!  We have had a wet spring here in California, but summer is coming along.  The hills are filled with wild grasses and flowers, clouds roll by, the wind is alternately chilly and warm.

And what more traditional way to greet summer’s approach than with home made ice cream?  Our first ice cream of the season, this year, is coffee.

Give yourself a couple of days to make this.  The first day is to set up the ice cream custard.  We have a Krups ice cream machine, which has a freezer bowl that needs 24 hours before it can be used in the machine.  Our Krups ice cream machine makes a quart at a time.  Of course, your methods may be different than mine!

I cobbled this together from different recipes, but you can do whatever you like!

Coffee Ice Cream

Ingredients

3/4 c. sugar
3 egg yolks
2 whole eggs
3 c. half-and-half
1/2 c. strong coffee
2 T. finely ground coffee

Technique

Beat together in a bowl the eggs and sugar. Beat for 5 minutes. The eggs become light and airy with a pale lemon color. Set aside.

Heat the half-and-half in a 2 quart pan until it is very hot – watch it carefully to avoid scorching. Stir as needed. Turn off heat and set on another burner.

After liquid is very hot, take 1 c. of the hot liquid and rapidly beat it into the egg-sugar mixture. Now take the liquid-egg-sugar mixture and return to remainder of half-and-half. Turn heat back on, to medium low. Stir constantly. Because so much air is incorporated into the eggs and sugar, this liquid will have a quality lighter in texture than a standard egg custard. Continue stirring, occasionally lifting spoon from mixture and allowing some to roll over the back of the spoon. It will have a light coat to it when it is ready. Be careful not to let custard bubble up and boil over.

When custard has cooked (took about 10 minutes), it will still be rather thin. Turn off heat, pour in the coffee and finely ground coffee. Place in container to be refrigerated overnight. Place plastic wrap directly onto surface of coffee custard to prevent skin formation.

Freezing

Stir chilled coffee custard.  Make in ice cream maker per manufacturer’s directions.  Add more ground coffee or other solids during the last 2-3 minutes of the freezing cycle.  Remove from machine, place in airtight container in the freezer for at least two hours before serving.  Eat plain, or with a chocolate cookie!

The Ethics of Absolutes

Yesterday someone asked me if people should always report things they think are unethical or wrong.

Given who asked me this, it really was not a surprising question.  This person is an extremist, absolutist in almost every situation which occurs.  The words always and never are the boundaries of existence.  No compromise.  Take no enemies.  Win.

What happens when you live life like this?  I don’t think you can experience joy.  I also think that people like this are intrinsically unhappy and have a poor sense of the I and the thou.  I know this person has few friends, and the few who are willing to befriend have to put up with a lot of crap.

Life is a series of adaptations and negotiations.  What benefits me will benefit you.  What benefits you will benefit me.  We both win.

In politics, moderates and “evil” liberals look to compromise.  In totalitarian regimes, the people in power are right, and the rules are ones they make, and they are always correct.  In far right politics, there is only one way to do things, which is the way of that rightist, and everyone else is wrong, and budge thou shalt not, even if everything else goes to hell and comes to a screeching halt and people die.  Win!


Questions like this never cease to fascinate and trouble me.  Mulling them over takes time.  People who are so extreme are very brittle – rattle their world and they blow up.  They just cannot adapt gracefully, but struggle and fight the process of change.  For them, compromise and understanding of another’s reality is not in their Survival Handbook.  To do so is to admit failure, to be unsuccessful, to lose, be defeated, to have no personal power.

We all need to have boundaries, take a stance every now and then, stick to our guns on some things to survive – but an inability to adapt to daily fluctuations is disastrous in terms of interpersonal relationships.  It’s a lifetime of failure and a slow death of the self as good and wonderful.

Experiencing such people can be toxic if you do not see it.  I don’t most of the time.

When I encounter such people, I wonder about my own values and think I must be amoral as I am not adamant, do not have a strong sense of right and wrong, and am laissez-faire about most things.  Yes, there are times when I have strong opinions – but I don’t expect the world to frog march to my outlook.

My locus of control is internal.  I know that I can let those with the ethics of absolutes rule my life – or not.  Freeing myself from their poison is hard, but necessary.  I pity them, resent them for the hell they cause, but emerge with yet another perspective of human nature, and hopefully a bit more adept at recognizing them before I even encounter them so I can take a path to avoid them.

Lazy me.

Cost vs. Benefit

In medicine, treatment is often considered on a cost vs. benefit to the patient. If the patient benefits overall, the cost of the treatment – financially, emotionally, physically – may be worth it. What might be beneficial at 25 may not be seen as such from the age of 75.

There are people in this world who add to the quality of our lives by who they are and what they do. Everyone of us has someone who has given to us far more than we can ever repay. This can be in terms of support, nurturance, friendship, and so many other ways the list would be endless. In our turn, we give to others, and we will never know how much we have given them simply because measuring such things is impossible.

There are also people who do nothing but take, demand, and take some more. There is no thought about the damage they inflict; many seem to enjoy inflicting it. These people are destructive. They are severely damaged, whether because of what they have experienced, inherited as body chemistry, or have done to themselves. The benefit of such people is learning to recognize them, but the cost of learning it may be far greater than the benefit. But, without these evil, psychological vampires, we would not be able to appreciate the good!

This is where those who have given us gifts – and who still give to us – are of such great benefit. Their support is a community of good. Small gifts, such as a pat on the back, are far larger than their physical appearance. They sustain and nurture.

At times, when the going is difficult, a conscious consideration of the good vs. the evil around is necessary. It is also a challenge. The cost of evil is great – but the benefit in learning about it and recognizing our blessings can far exceed the turmoil evil creates.

Craziness

Busy crazy and crazy people.  I won’t moan on about the latter – the mere fact I even have to deal with them wears me out.  However, busy crazy can be fun.  This weekend was not really creatively productive in any way that I wanted it to be, but it was really nice because I got out with friends and family, and was able to spend a lovely, sunny day outdoors most of Saturday.  I got sunburned, and now sport some tan lines.  Today it is damp and grim, the “May Grey” is spread over Ventura county, from the coast to 30 or more miles inland.  Ugh!

My turquoise pencil set got thrown to the wayside on Wednesday with a crisis.  This kind of stuff makes me really restless, so outdoors and exercise was a good relief.  The pencils will get packed up again, and on a break or at lunch, I promise to use them.  I have nearly finished my Noro shawl, which I hope to put into a pattern format in the next week or two.  I am also starting a slouch beret with some Noro sock yarn, which is coming along rather nicely.  And, I also played with some pictures in Photoshop, Lightroom, as well as did some analytical studies on DOF and hyperfocus.  Not a satisfying weekend with a peaceful feeling leading into Monday’s workday, but a sense of accomplishment in some areas.

Yucca Flowers with Bleach Bypass Filter in Lightroom 3

I really like the results of this preset. And finally, the last of my tulips – the petals are all falling off. These flowers have been like friends all week – I’ve watched them move from closed buds to wide open flowers, and have been entranced by their simple beauty. It is sad to see them leave.

I hope this next week doesn’t make me crazy . . .