Homemade Ham

My life seems to becoming messier and messier since I retired. I have stuff all over the place or put away neatly and unfindable. Over the last three days, I have had appointments taking up the mornings, and then the afternoons have been filled with other things. When my routines are too unsettled, I get unsettled, and it seems like I just disappear. That introvert just evaporates with too many external activities and a sense of identity vanishes with it. Of course, this makes my chaotic retired life even messier. So, today I am determined to go through the house and put things away. Yesterday, though, I needed to make a ham.

Pork ham? Turkey ham?

Nope.

Tailor’s Ham.

Mine is missing, along with my clapper and sleeve roll. Neatly put away in a bag or a box, or out in the 5th dimension, or being hovered over with exquisite care by the Goddess Annoia.

I did a bit of research on patterns. There are actually a lot out there. YouTube has videos and google has oogles of them. Professor Pincushion on YouTube has a pretty good video, as well as a free pattern on their website that I used.

You can find the paper pattern here, but be warned, you do need to sign up for their free account. If you like their stuff, it’s worth it; I have found many useful tips and bits of information in their videos over the years.

Well, let’s begin. For the pattern, I used the one mentioned above. From my stash I found a piece of tightly woven muslin and a piece of tightly woven cotton flannel. Both are 100% cotton. Each piece was about 1/4 yard – just a scrap. Okay, a list:

• • 2 pieces of cotton material,  one muslin, one flannel, but use what you want – just make sure the fabric can handle high temperatures
  • sewing machine
  • thread
  • hand sewing needle and thread
  • filling material for the ham, also capable of high heat.  Some recommended fillings are old cotton rags, sand, sawdust, or hamster bedding.   (I used sawdust – called “Wood Flour” – which I bought from Amazon)

Easy steps to success!

• • Iron fabric.
  • Lay out pattern with 1/2 inch  margin around it.  I traced around the pattern pieces, marking the fabric with pencil.
  • Pin the pieces together, right sides together.  Sew around, leaving a section about 3-4 inches open for a hole for filling the ham with stuffing.  Back stitch by opening, and then run another bead of sewing around the  critter.   Trim and clip the curves.
  • Turn right side out.
  • Stuff.
    • I  propped the opening to the inside of the ham up with a toilet paper tube, and using a table spoon began shoveling the  sawdust into the  ham.  I felt like I was making goose liver fois gras, which did not feel especially good, but that is what went through my mind.  As I filled up the ham, I pounded and shifted the sawdust into place.  Toward the end, I used my fingers to push the sawdust in even more, changed to a smaller spoon, and continued.  I started at the dining room table, but soon moved outside, donning a medical mask as it was really dusty, and  continued the force feeding.  Finally, 15 minutes later, nearly all 5 quarts of the “wood flour” was gone, and my ham was fat, happy, and very solid.
  • Fold over the opening to the ham and hand stitch it closed.
  • Admire your ham.

This was a really simple project.  It took a couple of days to get my order in from Amazon, but that was okay.  I was too busy to worry about it and figured an afternoon would produce a most satisfying result, which it did.    If you look in the photo above, taken by me of course, you can admire my fine ham, toilet paper tube, and vintage Singer 403A sewing machine.